"What is the purpose ?" is a question that I've heard a lot lately. It's mostly been connected to the chair we are supposed to be designing in school. I was struggling, to both get the professor on the same page as me and to get on the same page as him. At 4 in the morning walking back home from a club I felt compelled to ask myself this question. The funny thing is without the slightest confusion, hesitation, uncertainty or delay my answer was ready. A firm, believable point made without any loopholes.
For some time now I have been drifting. Stuck within myself, between the intense emotions I expressed before and the will required to actually put all of that into action. The lazy force is strong in me. Then again I detest its very presence. So imagine the kinda shit that goes on in my head.
In any case over the past few days a lot has been brought to my attention. Like how getting 188 out of 210 is not enough for me when I know I could have gotten more. Like realising that the sketching exam was shit and feeling bad that you couldn't do better. Understanding that relativity is a real concept when it comes to professors and students, so is selective comprehension. Not only that, also finding out that the one thing you were absolutely certain would happen soon but were very conflicted about is actually happening. And instead of turmoil or anger or resentment or despair or uncontrollable rage, there is this quiet calm of acceptance and some sadness. Add to that the events of tonight, the volume of experiences and information is just so large. And yet suddenly with that one question, "What is the purpose?", all the data was processed, the unnecessary information removed and the mind suddenly became clear. It was a weird experience. The realisation that I take on a lot of peoples crap simply because I am a good guy. The realisation that while I may never become a two faced self righteous douche (making life here much simpler), I don't need to take shit from people. The realisation that I am here for something completely other than what I have been doing. The realisation that enough is enough, that the gap between wanting and doing has been closed, that epiphanies can occur on the first day of vacation, that tomorrow is going to be a brand new day, and it is going to be fucking brilliant!
