Hidden Somewhere Deep

When a fiercely independent female friend of yours suddenly decides it’s her fault that her boyfriend flunked a year even though they are on different continents, all you can do is shake your head and smile.

Now I can’t believe this is the same person who ridiculed her boyfriend of so many years because he had thought of how he wanted the engagement rings to be. This is also the same person who completely freaked out not only at the slightest mention of marriage with the said boyfriend but also at the subject of a mere engagement. I always assumed this was that feminist frame of thought that seems to crop up once to often in women today, especially those that are well educated and career driven. Good for them I used to think and my friend was a perfect example of this “I'll pay for my own wedding” kind of girl.

What I realized the day I spoke with her is that no matter how modern and independent you think you are, at the end of the day a simple Indian girl is exactly just that. She is the caretaker of the home at heart and her husbands well being is her most important concern. Like all Indian women, rather women in long term relationships (I would assume) my friend instinctively decided that it was her fault that she was in another country because of which her boyfriend could not concentrate and he flunked. While this may hold true for his first exam just three months after she left when the separation was new and utterly unbearable, how does it explain his failure to even appear for the second attempt (The one that my friend blames herself for) at the same exam?? I’m sure to anyone aware of the situation it would make no sense. And yet she beat herself up over it for quite some time.

While to a third person this may seem absurd, I find it vaguely heartwarming because it shows me that all hope is still not lost. Irrespective of the constant demand from them to be independent and strong and what not, I know now that a genuine loving person can still exist in some deep dark corner of all these “forward thinking” women. It brings me joy that in spite of this constant bombardment of feminist thought there is still a possibility that women can return to their basic female instinct. Mind you, in no way do I Think of them as inferior or incapable. It’s just that I believe that their natural instincts toward taking care of people around them are much more valuable than their ability to work a 9 to 5 job.

So thank you my friend (You know who you are) for restoring my faith.